So a man approaches a single friend of mine and says, “You look like you’ve got it all together, what do you need a man for?” [insert cringe here]
Honestly, this is not the first time I heard a man say this to a woman and it stings each time. I have seen women actually blush and continue to converse with men who sling this rhetoric as if it’s some sort of charming opening line. I try my best not to judge; everyone has their own frame of reference and reasoning behind their choice of statements, but really? I am stumped by the idea that to some- women who appear calm, successful, or level-headed give off the perception that they don’t need a man to share their life with. In my colorful mind, this frame of thought makes me wonder if he was implying that people who are in relationships are crazy, broken, or unstable. I mean, the sheer ridiculousness of this perception points to a thought process shared by more than a few; this idea that there is actually a level in a woman’s life/career where she has “arrived” and being alone is preferred.
I felt like what he really wanted to do was look in the mirror and say, “What do I have to offer myself or a mate?” (Let me unpack that)
It is my experience that a man who values initiative sees a woman on the up-and-up and thinks her hustle and focus is attractive. His initial pivot is toward her to find out more because on the outside she’s intriguing. A man who is comfortable with who he is would not assume that an accomplished and passionate woman needs to be alone; no, in fact, if he finds similarities and an attraction he wants to get closer. I have learned through my experiences with men, romantically and otherwise, that there is an alarming number of men in the same situation who think “Damn, look at her. She has everything and she doesn’t need me.” Bruh! We are always gonna need you and more importantly, we need you to feel like you’re worthy based on your own merit. Insecurity is unattractive!
Every human should strive to have it together. As best as possible, we all should strive to be whole and look for mates who identify themselves as such; not perfect -but holistically happy with who they are.
Relationships and life are to be shared and unfortunately, some people took that Jerry McGuire shit too far. I do not believe that the overarching relationship mission is to complete each other, but instead, the mission is to complete ourselves and share each other.
With that being said, this is for your heart:
“Self-worth and net worth are one in the same.”
…but If all else fails, drink two of these, look in the mirror and I promise you’ll see yourself differently:
2oz 1800® Silver Tequila
2oz passion-fruit juice
1oz agave juice
In a tall mixing glass muddle all five limes and agave nectar. Add ice, 1800Â® Silver Tequila and passion fruit juice. Shake vigorously and pour into a rocks glass. Garnish with a drizzle of raspberry liquor.